


Suffering

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Hurt Logan, M/M, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: When Thomas suffers a heartbreak, it is almost certain that Patton, Virgil, and Roman feels it. However, they soon all discover that this is not the case, when it comes to lashing out.





	Suffering

“When will you get it?!” Virgil snapped back at Logan, his fists clenched and shaking with the raw anguish and rage that flowed through his veins like a gushing river on a stormy day. His gaze was narrowed sharply at the logical side, as the equally sharp and poisoned words flew from his lips right towards Logan’s heart, like a deadly arrow going in for the kill. “We can’t be an emotionless machine like you! We’re hurting over this whether you like it or not, and if you can’t contribute something to actually make us feel better. Then. Why. Are. You. Here?!” He practically snarled.

Something flickered across Logan’s expression, something that Virgil realized a little too late as Logan readjusted his tie. Looking over at Patton who was still weeping into his hands and Roman who was holding the moral side close, he got only blank stares in return. They weren’t going to help him, and they weren’t going to stick up for him either. No surprise there, nobody was ever on his side. 

“Tell me, Virgil,” Logan placed the emotions that were writhing inside of his chest like a can of unopened worms on lockdown, his eyes were blank, almost glazed in a way as he looked back at the anxious side. Folding his hands behind his back, Logan did all that he could to remain standing up straight. He was serious, he had to remain serious right now. “What makes you think that you’re the only one suffering right here and now? What gave you that idea?” Logan coldly spat the words out, before stepping back away from the other. 

Behind his back, Logan’s hands were trembling. His fingernails sinking into the skin of his hand leaving behind little crescent shapes. The pain of it helped, it helped focus him and it helped to keep the tears at bay. Not that he was about to cry or anything, even now he still had functioning tear glands, that elicited a response whenever he was under too much stress. 

“Do you assume that because you believe that I cannot feel? Do you believe that I don’t care that Thomas’ heart was broken? Do you think…” Logan’s breathing hitched for a moment before he closed his eyes taking just a split second to calm himself before opening them again. His stern gaze remained there, even when tears started to well up in his eyes clinging to his lashes like individual snowflakes. “Do you think because I don’t understand emotion...that it gives you the right to constantly put me down? That..that I’m lesser because of it? That…” 

Logan went silent, and he wasn’t the only one either as Virgil stared back at him in abject horror dawning on his face. The logical side’s shoulders trembled, and it seemed that even the pain of his nails digging into his flesh did little to help this time too. 

Swallowing the lump in his throat Logan made a bigger effort to stand taller now, his pride was pretty much in tatters but he could still attempt to hold himself together a little while longer. 

“I thought that you of all people were better than that...Anxiety.” 

A great pit of dread and regret opened up inside of Virgil, as he stood there frozen to the spot. The words that he had so carelessly said, that had left him before he’d even had a chance to think about it had...hurt Logan. He’d hurt someone in the exact same way that he’d been hurt in the past, and he had done it all towards someone who was...who meant more to him than he’d ever thought about before. The taste of shame and guilt was sour on Virgil’s tongue, as Logan turned away from him pressing his hand over his face in an attempt to mask the emotions that were spilling out like an erupting volcano. The sound of Virgil’s old title sounded wrong on Logan’s lips, worse than that...it sounded like a nightmare. 

His worst nightmare, come to life.

“Lo…” He began as he reached out, his hand was shaking as his eyes glanced along the back of the logical side’s hands. Marks, deep jutting marks from where Logan’s had bitten his tongue time and time again, was this the first time that Logan had actually snapped back at them for something like this? It must have been. “Lo I’m sor-” 

A harsh bark of laughter abruptly cut Virgil off, as Logan threw his head back. The cold detached laughter that rang from Logan’s lips sent a chill down Virgil’s spine. It didn’t sound like the nerd at all.

“You’re what? You’re sorry Anxiety? Sorry for all of the times you insulted me, thinking that ‘Oh Logan doesn’t have feelings’ and ‘Oh if he doesn’t have feelings then I can say whatever I want to him!’ or was it ‘My words can’t have lasting consequences because Logan won’t care about what I say and do to him!’ Is that it? Is that it Anxiety?!” Logan mockingly mimed Virgil’s voice, and the anxious side felt himself getting smaller as he hunched his shoulders. The gleam in Logan’s eyes now were more than just tears, as the logical side breathed heavily, his chest heaving as a stream of saltwater dripped down his face. “Well I have news for you,” Logan whispered, his expression crumpling. “I do feel, and it does hurt Anxiety.”

A dead silence hung in the air before Roman started to march forward, Patton no longer clinging to him as the princely side moved forward. 

“Now Specs, I think that this is enough, he clearly got the message. So calm down.” Roman attempted for his words to sound soothing, but to Logan, it just felt like sandpaper in his ears. Of course Roman took Virgil’s side, everyone was on each other's side except for his. He was alone, he was all alone.

_ Squadless geek! You’re alone. Alone. Alone.  _ **_Alone_ ** _! _

A shuddering sob escaped Logan, and before he knew it he had clasped his hand over his mouth, his hair hanging in front of his eyes as his entire body started to shake. He gasped, even if there was air all around him it still didn’t feel like enough. Why couldn’t he breathe? What was wrong with him? Was he this broken? A dry rasp left his lips as he struggled to breathe inwards, his throat felt raw and swollen. His chest ached, like someone had placed a set of steel bars around his lungs. Why couldn’t he breathe?

In the background of his thoughts, he heard them, three separate voices screaming out to him. Screaming his name, but it was muffled. Like someone had placed a layer of cotton over his ears preventing him from hearing the smallest things. 

_ Lo...gan…! Log..a..n! Bre..athe! Logan!  _

“Logan!” Warmth graced Logan’s face as a pair of hands cupped his cheeks, “Logan listen to me, you need to breathe..just breathe.” Fingers curled around his wrist, pulling his hands from where they had been tugging at his own hair, his palm rested on the warmth of another’s chest the firm thudding of a heard underneath. “Focus on my heartbeat, you feel it? Just focus on that and breathe with me.” 

A tendril of tension eased out of the logical side’s lungs, the burning, the pain, the emptiness of his own mind eased with it. 

“That’s it, just breathe. Focus on me, I’ve got you..” The soothing voice whispered, and the thudding of the heart under his hand remained there, tethering Logan to the present, helping the tightness in his chest slowly ebb and flow away from him. It felt like an eternity to him, as he exhaled and inhaled letting his palm linger over the beating of the heart. 

When he could see again, when his tears cleared up, and the tightness of his throat went away. The first thing that registered with him was the color purple.

“You’re doing great.” Virgil smiled tears in his own eyes, as Patton and Roman nervously hovered around them. Logan couldn’t see it yet, but terror and dread was the emotion that was carved deep into the eyes of the moral and creative side. As they witnessed the very pillar of stoicism and coolheadedness completely breaking down in front of them. 

Roman hadn’t any idea on what he was supposed to do when the first rasp had left Logan, and even more so when it had become apparent that the logical side hadn’t been able to breathe. Patton was even worse though, as the moral side had completely started to freak out until Virgil had taken ahold of the situation. 

“Good..good.” Virgil murmured again, his fingertips gingerly tracing the veins of Logan’s

Wrist, “I’m going to lead you over to the couch now Lo, you’re going to be a little weak at the knees for a while. Having an anxiety attack is the equivalent of running in a relay.” He calmly told the other, steadily working his way back over to the couch as Logan stumbled after him. The faint sniffle he heard from the logical side, completely broke his heart. “I… We’re going to take care of you, and once you’re better. We’ll all talk alright, for now, take it easy. I won’t let you go.” 

Logan’s grip tightened on him as the sensation of a blanket being laid over his shoulders greeted him, his dead tired gaze locked onto Virgil’s. And without even thinking about it, Logan leaned in, resting his forehead against the anxious side’s shoulder, keeping his palm firmly pressed against the fluttering heartbeat of the other.

“I’m scared,” Logan whispered, and for a second, just a split second Virgil grimaced as he ran his fingers through Logan’s messed up hair. 

“I know Lo, but you don’t have to suffer that alone anymore. I’m here, we’re all here now.”


End file.
